Freelance Writer, Reporter, and Author

I hear there is a new Mad Max movie in the works, likely a prequel. They’re going to need cars for this movie. Badass cars. Cars that can dish it out and handle the rigors of post-apocalyptic life (or as I like to say, society-challenged). I think my Cougar fits the bill.

Which would you install? Flamethrowers, or ninja-star chuckers?

It has survived 40 years of wear, tear, racing, and restorations. More importantly, it has survived me. And it certainly looks the part. Throw on some machine guns, tri-dents, and maybe a trebuchet, and we’re ready to take it to those damn Aussies. I would definately want to play a bad guy. I don’t care what the movies say, the bad guys are gonna survive.

For now, the Cougar occupies the garage. We were so, so close to finishing the truck…and then my dad put a hole in the oil pan, because he just HAD to get the rust off of it. Whatever. Replacing the oil pan requires lifting the engine out of the bay, a real pain in the ass. Doable, as I’ve done it before, but still, a pain in the ass.

So for now it will sit, and instead I will shower the Cougar with love and adoration. It needs it, front to back. But I’ll never give up.

I hate you.

But I’m really starting to resent the truck.

Then there is the Lincoln, and the Jeep. The Jeep desperately needed brakes, and it finally got them. I went to an old Italian mechanic named Marko who told me I passed emissions, but if I didn’t get my brakes fixed in two weeks he would fail me. Fair enough. So I fixed them, and my hanging exhaust problem as well, and brought it back to Marko. He was impressed, even proud. I like him.

The Lincoln is sitting there, staring at me with forlorn eyes, trying to make me feel guilty. I don’t.

My dad and I will finish this car, one way or another. I know we will. One bump in the road isn’t the end. I’m really not looking forward to fixing that oil pan though.

This is one of those days.

I do know my own strength, and I shouldn't have been able to do this...go me?

I’ve been fighting with leaf springs and shackles and and bushings for the better part of a week. So far, of the four bolts, just one actually managed to come out with a wrench (and a bit of hammering). Everything else has been a matter of cutting, sawing, and pounding. It really takes its toll.

Just one bushing stands between me, and getting the last leaf spring off. Putting the new one on is a matter of minutes. Taking an old one off?

Hours.

But after breaking this socket on the bushing bolt, I’m ready to call it a day. The lil’ bastard will come off tomorrow instead.

I’ve never met a leaf spring bolt I liked.

But before that, we’ve made good progress on the truck. The rear brake line was shot, completely and totally, so I got that replaced.

Notice the gaping chasm in my brake line. That had to go.

The grill is back on, though the driver’s side headlight still needs to be attached. Some very minor body rust has been welded and smoothed over with bondo as well. All that is really left are the leaf springs. I left those for last because I knew it would be an uphill battle.

The past three days have been spent trying to knock the front bolt of the rear spring out. Banging, wrenching, whacking, lubricating, and finally cutting to get this bastard of a bolt out. My dad almost broke my arm with a sledge hammer when he miss his mark and whacked my wrist. It’s cool though. We even put a torch to it for an extended amount of time, with no results. My dad came up with some crazy contraption using whatever was at hand, but it made no progress. Whoever designed this leaf spring with a metal sleeve should be beaten with a switch.

This is the odd contraption my dad came up with, utilizing the U-bolts and a harmonic balancer pulley to get the bolt out. No dice.

After the wrist incident, I convinced my dad the only way to get it out was to cut if off. So I went to the auto parts store and ordered new bolts and shackles, which should be in Friday. Then I went to the hardware store and bought a diamond grit sawzall blade. Diamond grit! Should be able to cut through anything, right?

Sorta. It did eventually get through one side of the bolt, after a good 25-30 minutes of on-and-off sawing. And the other side still needed to be cut off. So we turned to the trusty cutting wheel!

Thirty seconds to cut through the bolt, another two minutes of leveraging, and the leaf spring popped out.

Sometimes, the must brute-force options are the best.

So there we are, my dad and I staring at this hundred-pound hunk of metal that has for three days frustrated us, turned us against each other, and almost caused seriously bodily harm.

As calm as could be, he looks at the leaf spring and says “Oh, doesn’t even look like this side needed to be replaced.”

I have too many projects. My list, as it sits right now:

1969 Mercury Cougar: Owned for six years, ran for about six months.

1992 Ford F-150: Owned for three and a half years, ran for about six months (seeing a pattern?)

1990 Lincoln LSC: Owned for two weeks, runs and drives but needs a lot of love

1992 Jeep Wrangler: Owned for two years, die-hard daily driver, still needs lots of love

So, before I get too far along with the Lincoln, I need to do some house cleaning, starting with the broken F-150 in my garage.

Specifically, it is a 1992 F-150 Nite Edition, Flareside 4×4. Rare, as far as F-150’s go. It has sat for about two years due to a busted transmission, though it still starts and drives, thanks to my father. It is also shockingly rust free, with just two small problem areas beneath the extended cab. He recently fixed the transmission, and now the truck needs a few more things to get repaired before we’re ready to put it on the market.

The rear bumper needs to be re-attached (the brackets needed replacing).

One of the rear brake lines needs replacing.

The rear leaf springs also need to be replaced.

Basically, the butt of this truck is busted from too much sitting. The front hubs are also shot, so the 4×4 doesn’t work, but rather than get involved with that, I am going to sell it with the problem and market it as a project truck. Why a project truck? Because even though it is all together and in pretty good shape, it has over 212,000 miles on it. That is a lot of miles, even for an F-150. But if the right person came along, it could either be restored, or turned into one sharp-looking hot rod truck.

I’m downsizing my life. I really, really love cars, and I think I’ve amassed a small collection of cool cars. Really, these are all neat rides, and I’ve owned lots of other cool cars (Saab 900 Turbo, Pontiac Trans Am, Nissan 240sx) but  I’d rather have one cool, functioning car than a bunch of broken ones. I’m going to focus my attention on the Cougar…once I’ve cleaned out my garage and my life.

I picked her up today from Long Island. A 1990 Lincoln LSC with 97k miles on the clock. Running, driving, and most everything works. New, these cars sold for around $30,000 but I picked this diamond in the rough up for $500 (plus $50 to rent a trailer). I’ve always wanted one of these cars but I rarely found one I liked or that didn’t have an exorbitant selling price. The seller was a nice guy, and the car used to belong to his father. He wanted the car to go to a good home, and it has. I am going to take care of this vehicle.

First the bad, then the good.

Bad:

• Faded paint on roof and hood
• Both mufflers rotted out
• Leaky master cylinder
• Radio doesn’t work
• Cracks in dash
• Saggy headliner
• Missing weather gaskets along rear window
• Both seats completely shot
• Drivers side window won’t roll down

The Good!

• 97,000 miles
• 5.0 engine with synthetic oil used its entire life
• Recently rebuilt transmission
• Runs strong
• Sounds good (maybe because of the lack of mufflers)
• Very smooth ride thanks to the air suspension
• Sharp, rare car
• Cheap!

I have big plans for this car. First I need to bring it up to snuff, but since it is winter I don’t plan on driving it anytime soon. I can take my time and make it really nice. Believe me, this is gonna be nice…for as little money as possible. First though, I need to figure out a good name that isn’t a cliche…though “Hot Rod Lincoln” is an awesome song.